Sunday, April 6, 2008

We have had a rough couple of months....nothing more so than what has occurred in our family since Feb 21st. I am hoping that we can finally lay all of it to rest. In order for that to happen... We have to step back from a lot of what was most important to us.

Carson, first and foremost, must be protected. Many will not agree with what we are doing, but he has been the scapegoat, whether in truth, or not for nearly everything that has ever happened in a situation where other children are present. He has absolutely no impulse control... period. He knows when he does something wrong... and he has told me he hates the way it makes him feel. He doesn't know why he does it either. We are working closely with his occupational therapists and we are already seeing some positive changes. A new medication therapy does seem to help, during the daytime... but we still have an evening lapse...where the control is gone... you can look in his eyes and see the frustration. I cannot spank it out of him or expect that in situations where there is too much stimulation, that there won't be something that sets him off. I do know that once he sets his mind to something... that is all he talks about or thinks about. For instance, the investigator questioned Carson, and he answered everything she asked... honestly. We praised him over and over for doing the "right" thing and telling the truth. She praised him for answering her. He craves that! Since that time, Carson has talked more about the incident than he should, his therapist warned us that we should not discuss it all. Simply because he has such a literal view on practically everything. Today for instance, we were eating at My Thai for lunch, and I put too much hot mustard on my food. I said that my mouth was on fire!.... He wanted me to open my mouth so that the fire could get out. He seriously thought I had fire in my mouth.

I am not going to lie and tell you that I am OK with all of this. I was hurt tremendously, deeper than anything else has ever hurt me, or Wayne. This is our child. He is the most precious thing to both of us. As I know your children are too! For this reason we have chosen to protect him from any environment that would place him in situations he does not need to be in. I like to think I am good mother and can control every action, but I am a realist and know that this is simply not possible.. for me or him. With much prayer, I know that we can push through this...but right now, we need to circle the wagons and regroup so to speak.


~renay~ said...

We love you guys and will keep ya'll in our prayers.

Keri said...

I have been thinking of you guys and praying that God's timeline is one that would coincide with what you want to happen. Like we talked about you are doing the right thing even if I don't agree with you! :)
Love you.

Kassie said...

You guys are in my prayers all the time and inmy thought. Just hang in there you are doing great and things will turn out for the best I know that. But if you need to talk please call I have my phone on me all of the time.

Carri said...

We love you and are praying for better days soon!